First Birthday: A Letter To My Baby Boy

Dear Emmett,
I constantly remember our first conversation on the day you were born. You had been passed around for pictures and hugs for at least an hour, and I was too exhausted to do anything about it. I was also extremely shy about holding you... I had no idea how to do it! What was I supposed to do with my arms and hands? A nurse ushered everyone out and placed you, all bundled up and very quiet, in the crook of my left arm. I didn't move or adjust you because everything felt so awkward and I didn't want to hurt you, all I could do was stare and stare. After several minutes of quiet, I shily whispered "Hello baby, I'm so glad to finally meet you." and then you responded in the most beautiful way, a tiny little squeak that sounded exactly like "Hi." Instant tears came to my eyes and I asked "Did you just say hi to me?" and your response was "Yes." Those are the two first sounds I remember you making... strangely, I don't remember the sound of your wailing cry at the moment of your birth. (Although I can picture it clearly)

It's so hard to believe that it's been a year since that conversation, and that we've had thousands of them since then. We have been together for all of our "firsts" and I still can't get enough of them, no matter how small and inconsequential. All I can say is how grateful I am to have such a perfect little partner to share my firsts with, even if this year was a whirlwind of parenting mistakes. I became increasingly panicked as the day of your birth loomed closer and you would be exposed to this big ole world. I was so afraid of hurting you because you'd be frail and tiny. Boy you proved me wrong. From the second you were placed on my stomach I felt your strength: 9 pounds of bold, fierce life, and I quickly learned that "frail and tiny" would never be adjectives to describe you.

There are so many things I love about you, but I think my favorite is that you have somehow found 365 ways to make me smile and laugh, and you are finding more every day. We have our ups and downs, of course... my inexperience paired with your extreme energy and stubbornness isn't always an easy match, but I can surely tell you one thing: I have loved every second of every day with you in my life.